Disappearing Ink

I just poured my coffee for the morning and started filling my tub.  This is my quiet place.  With windows on each side of the corner it sits in, the sun will come up while I study.  I gather up the few things I always take with me. My pen, my reading glasses (yes, that is now the norm), and my Bible, my notepad and a Sudoku puzzle book.  The Sudoku is my reward at the end when I can fill in the blanks without thinking about anything else.  Now if I could figure out how to take my laptop in, that’d be awesome!  The Bible I take in my tub looks like it’s been through a war.  It is separating from its binding and pieces are coming off the cover.   It is now twice as thick as when I got it, or so it seems.  But it has been the Bible I have used for 29 years. I once broke down and bought a new one, bemoaning the notes that wouldn’t be in the margins or the familiarity or the ease in which the pages separate.  I picked out what would probably be my companion for the next 25 years, nice leather cover, gold leaf on the pages, even the version I like.  I took it in the tub with me the next morning prepared to start breaking it in.  Within ten minutes, I dropped it in the water!  Never before has that happened!  It was ruined instantly.  As thin as the pages are on a Bible, have you ever tried to peel apart all 1,392 wet pages?!  It can’t happen.  So I continue my study with the Bible given to me from my grandparents when I graduated high school almost 30 years ago.


This morning I contemplated adding something to my usual tub fare.  As I made my coffee, I noticed a loaf of three cheese bread sitting on the counter and thought for just a minute how nice it would be to have some toast in my tub today.  And then I remembered how much a little useless piece of carbohydrate will do to my day.  I’m not sure how old any of you are, but I figured out a short while back when you hit this mark in life, one slice of bread is about as many calories as three English muffins, a donut, and a candy bar at lunch used to be when I was 18.  I think when you hit mid 40’s, you could start to eat like a bird and still gain weight.  If I’m going to eat something, it needs to count for some much needed vitamins or proteins!  I managed to leave the toast behind and will opt for some yogurt later.  But I’m suddenly feeling a theme this morning and age seems to have something to do with it. 


I can see for the first time how important it was that my family instilled and drilled scripture into my head when I was little, because at this spot in my life, my brain feels like mush and my body slows to a snail’s pace, (I’m praying it’s all going to change when I come out the hormonal “other side”!), and I can hardly commit my grocery list to memory!  I know why scripture says in Psalm 119:11, “Thy word I have hid in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee.”  It’s because when you get to that menopausal state, if it were in your brain you wouldn’t know how to find it! 


I recently went to a conference where I felt amazed and confirmed in what God has called me to do in life.  It was heart changing!  And then I came home and read a blog I wrote a little over a year ago.  I had already discovered all that!  But apparently, I forgot!  I’m not “old” by any stretch of the imagination…well maybe to my kids.  But as soon as you hit the mid 40’s, everything has to become a much more diligent purposeful process.  No more empty carbs of life in general!  Everything has to count.  So I’m off to my tub to get in the Word and soak my mind and heart for the day.  Have you had a moment to do the same?  Be purposeful about it today.  Study it deep into your heart where it has a chance to stay long after it leaves your mind!

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